I recently found myself in a difficult position. I’m a relatively active net user, and as such I post in several forums from time to time. If you use forums yourself you’ll probably know that most of them allow you to choose a nickname, and what’s called an avatar (an image used to represent you, often a self-portrait, but it can be anything). Well I’ve been posting in one forums quite a lot recently, and have begun to develop ‘virtual friendships’ with some of the other people who use it. All good so far, BUT there’s one person who I chat to occasionally who I just can’t figure out. Let me explain….

This guy has always been very friendly and nice, I’ve enjoyed bantering with him, and always look forward to him chiming in with whatever discussion is going on at the time. Recently though, there had been some suggestion that he may not be all he seems. This threw me a bit, because I hadn’t really thought about it, which is odd as my degree dissertation had the title: "Identity and Community Through Interactive Collaborative Electronic Text Based Mediums", or something like that (you can find it in the library of of Dartington College of Arts in Totnes, Devon if you want a laugh).

This all led to a bit of mini scandal, but before long was forgotten, and everything continued as normal. That is, until the last few days. This guy started to communicate with me more actively, which I was perfectly comfortable with, but it got me thinking, you see this guy is not only very good/looking, but clever, talented and successful too. Such a combination I found hard to accept at face value, and in light of the previous doubts I decided to do a bit of digging. Uh oh. I managed to track down a previous net/haunt of this guy, and found some passing references to him in recent posts that were still online. These posts also seemed to draw into question some of the things he told me. Now with my interest really pricked I decided to post in these forums and enquire about this guy. This was a mistake. Not only were the forums members there some of the foulest most unfriendly netizens I’ve ever had the misfortune to interact with, but my enquiries got back to the guy I was investigating! Doh! Needless to say he was pissed off in the extreme, and I guess I don’t blame him. I think my enquiries have caused a bit of unwanted traffic to his site, and dredged up some things I think he wanted to put behind him. I’m still not sure where the truth ends and where the artistic license begins, but what I do know is that I offended him BIG TIME, and I regret doing it now.

What I find myself wondering now is why did I care? What difference did any of it make? We all pretend to be things we are not, everyday, without even thinking about it. We perhaps don’t consciously lie, but we exaggerate, or omit details we’d rather not share to create an image of ourselves that we’re more comfortable with. So why did I feel such a need to know the ‘truth’? Especially as I’m unlikely to ever meet this guy in what many netizens affectionately call ‘meatspace’.

So, have I learnt my lesson? I’m not sure. In this case what it boils down to is what would I prefer, to maintain my virtual friendship with his guy, or to feel 100% certain in his identity? Why should it matter? In the end I’ve no reason to doubt him, maybe I should just accept there are good people out there after all.

Posted in Ramblings